


No Need to Run Away

by feeniecchi



Series: Bylad and the lads [2]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Found Family, Gen, Golden Deer Route spoilers, M/M, Not Beta Read, Older Brother Figure, Self-Acceptance, Self-Esteem Issues, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-07-31 15:04:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20117047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feeniecchi/pseuds/feeniecchi
Summary: “But Ignatz,” brown eyes snapped to attention the moment Byleth raised his voice slightly, “Your life is your own. Your parents don't control it. You need to live it for yourself.”The younger male stared at Byleth with wide eyes.Byleth's words hit him hard.For the first time, he realized that he hasn't been living life for himself.Not even for a single moment.All this time he felt guilty for things his parents did and measured his personal value by the praise and acceptance of people that didn't pay attention to him or could care less about him.This whole time he has been living his own life for all those people.





	No Need to Run Away

**Author's Note:**

> it's ignatz appreciation hour dabs into oblivion
> 
> this is also so self-indulged that i nearly feel embarrassed for writing and posting this.
> 
> vibe and title of this fic??? "half·alive - RUNAWAY"

Ignatz has always been a lonely child.  
  


While he did have his parents and older brother, he kind of always felt like he was... out of place.  
At home, they barely engage in conversation with him or ask him about his interests.  
They weren't _bad_ parents. It just felt like Ignatz wasn't of any value to them sometimes. He felt unwanted and... unhappy.  
And since his brother was going to inherit the family business, his father decided to send him to Garreg Mach Monastery to become a knight.

  
He truly appreciated the opportunity, he really did!

It's just that.... being a knight is not something he thought he would be good at.  
But Ignatz decided that he shouldn't complain. His parents were paying the fees for him to be here so he would aim to become the knight his father wished for him to become.

But he so easily got lost in his surroundings.  
Garreg Mach was such a beautiful place. One was able to spot old and stunning art pieces everywhere that Ignatz couldn't help himself but stop and admire that all for hours.  
What he didn't expect was to meet his new professor as he was mesmerized by the beauty that was surrounding him.  
He felt a finger poking his shoulder, slightly startling him before he turned around and starred into the stoic face of the newest addition to the teaching staff.

Before Ignatz knew what he was doing he was ranting about the artistic beauty of the Monastery, flushing happily the longer went on while getting a few nods from the other man every now and then, telling him that he was listening and still paying attention.

“Do you like art?”

Ignatz froze in his place, fingers itching to correct the position of his glasses.  
He didn't anticipate that question, didn't expect to get called out so soon.  
“I, uh, yes? I love to admire it,” he stumbled over his words, eyes darting from left to right as he played with the strap of his bag.  
Byleth nodding, face never changing. Before finally turning away and leaving the smaller male alone, he... patted Ignatz on the... head?  
Clutching his chest as his heartbeat increased drastically, he watched the professor walked around the corner, disappearing as abruptly as he had appeared.

  
This man was not going to be good for his heart.

~

Raphael was on his tail again. Ignatz would love to talk to him, would love to hang out with him like back then when they were kids.  
But he couldn't. He just couldn't be around Raphael.

How was he supposed to spend time with that guy when simply looking at his face made his insides churn with guilt? Made him feel sick to the stomach to the point he felt like throwing up?  
The blond male had told him that the death of his parents was in no way his fault; and that it wasn't his parents' fault either.  
But how was he supposed to forget and push away years of guilt that he has been harboring inside of him?  
  


It would feel so _wrong_.

  
So he ran. The moment he spotted his old best friend Ignatz took off into the opposite direction in hope that he either hadn't spotted him or was going to lose him by the end he was done running away.  
Most of the time he was able to escape the big guy, thank the Goddess.  
That didn't help him with his guilt that was weighing heavy in his stomach.

But that was fine. That guilt was his own to carry after all.

~

Ignatz was trying his best to be sneaky with his drawings. He shouldn't even think about drawing but his hands couldn't stop and sometimes his brain just needed a way to release the stress he was feeling from a day to day basis.  
With him trying to avoid Raphael as best as he could, as much as it hurt him and trying to keep up with sword practice, although he was handier with the bow, he was basically a ball filled with stress and anxiety.  
  


“Ignatz.”

  
Said male shrieked in shock, glasses nearly jumping off his face as his body flinched madly and dropped his sketches and pencils.  
Quickly dropping to his knees he tried to scoop up his fallen items before Byleth could risk a look but he was too late.  
The skilled mercenary had already picked up one of his sketches and was analyzing it with unreadable eyes.  
  


“Did you draw this?”

  
Byleth handed the sheet of paper back to him and Ignatz took it back with eager hands.  
“I, uh, yes? I mean, y-yes, I did!” Hastily folding his sketch, he put it into his bag along with the pencil, which was difficult since it was already overflowing with the books he had grabbed during his regular stop at the library.  
“It looks good,” Byleth hummed and patted Ignatz head like he always did.  
Why he did that the student still hasn't figured it out.

“Oh, really? Thank you!” Excited by getting praised, he smiled brightly and grabbed the strap of his bag tightly with both of his hands.  
“B-But it's just a silly thing I do. Not often! Just sometimes! Rarely even!” Ignatz tried to justify, waving his hands in front of his chest around.  
“You should keep up the good work, you have talent,” Byleth told him, ruffling Ignatz pale green-hair one last time before turning away.  
  


The younger male felt his eyes start to water. He wasn't used to being praised like this

  
“Oh, and Ignatz? Please talk to Raphael.”  
Ignatz' eyes shifted to the ground, fists clenched. How did the older man know?  
He heard his professor sigh.  
“I don't know what the cause for your strange behavior is but... just be honest with Raphael. Everything will work out, trust me.”  
  


The student hoped that his teacher was right.

~

Of all the things to happen, the young student did not anticipate to get lectured on his usage of his artistic abilities by Hilda.

  
“It's okay to have hobbies, y'know,” Hilda smiled at the panicked Ignatz as he tried to hide his drawings from her pink eyes, “Everyone has them! Even I like to create cute accessories!”  
“R-Really?” He looked at her with his brown eyes filled with a glimmer of interest and hope.

  
“Yeah, of course, silly! But I personally think that your artistic skills are so much better than for them to be just a hobby!” Hilda laughed but the smile she gave him was so earnest that it made him nearly tear up.  
“You think so? Well, I can't become an artist but... I could paint you someday.”  
“Mmmh, alright. But only if you make me extra cute.” Hilda winked as she ruffled his hair, thank you, Mr Eisner, for starting this trend, before hooking her arm around his and pulling him towards the dorms.  
  
  


“But before that, I'll make you some super cute accessories !”

~

Talking with Raphael had been emotionally exhausting, to say the least.  
But after that talk? He hasn't felt that light in years.  
Goddess, Raphael was honestly the nicest and greatest guy ever. And he still saw him as his best friend.  
He had _never stopped_ feeling that way towards him.

  
After that everything seemed to take a turn for the better.  
Ignatz got to spend dinner with Raphael and sometimes Leonie would join in, too.  
Both were more than happy to help him find a talent that he could work on at the Monastery.  
While he did prefer to study on his own, sometimes Marianne would join him and both would sit in comfortable silence while they both worked on their own things.  
  


Byleth had been right in the end. Everything did work out just fine.  
When he went to tell him the great news, he was rewarded with a tiny smile but proud eyes and a head pat.  
  
  


It felt as though flowers blossomed in his chest.

~

Five years later when he reunited with everyone from the Golden Deer, he felt the need to talk to his former professor.

Despite having slept for years, the minty-white haired male seemed to be napping as he had his head nested on Claude's shoulder, snoring softly against the leader of the Alliance as his long bangs covered his eyes.  
“Claude,” Ignatz tried to be as quiet as possible to gain the other's attention. Once the other cautiously turned his head to look at him, he voiced his proposal:  
“Would you mind telling the Professor to seek me out later? There is something I wish to discuss with him.”  
  


Claude gave him a smile and whispered: “Of course.”

  
So Ignatz waited. Sitting outside as the sun was setting underneath a tree, he was doodling away, sketching various pieces of the Golden Deer Members,  
the overgrown Monastery and the tiny kittens and their mothers that started to magically come out again once Byleth stepped foot on Garreg Mach.

Just as he was about to put finer details into the kitten's fur, he heard the familiar footsteps of his former teacher approaching his hunched over figure.

  
“Have you finally decided to take up drawing as a profession, Ignatz?” Byleth smiled slightly and Ignatz returned it happily.  
“That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about, Professor,” he replied and was about to get up but Byleth gestured him to stay put.  
Sitting down beside his former student, the minty-white haired male was immediately surrounded by multiple cats.  
Since he was already used to it, he let the cats settle down wherever they wanted and started to pet the one on his lap.

Taking a deep breath, Ignatz started to rant. About his resolve of becoming a knight and keeping painting and drawing as a hobby.  
But the more the thought about it and the more the talked to people about it the more his resolve started to crumble.  
Breathless after spilling his worries, he leaned against the tree trunk and started to pet the cat that was resting against Byleth's thigh.

Silence followed his rant.

After a while, Ignatz felt a hand settle down on top of his head as he stared down at his lap.  
The familiar weight on top of his hair gave him comfort.  
“I can't tell you which way is the right way to go. All I know is that my father... he never forced me into being a mercenary. If I had decided to become something else, he would've made it possible.”  
Byleth voice grew thicker the more he talked about his father.

That's right. For them, it's been 5 years since Jeralt's death.  
For Byleth barely months passed this his father was taken away from him.

“But Ignatz,” brown eyes snapped to attention the moment Byleth raised his voice slightly, “Your life is your own. Your parents don't control it. You _need_ to live it for yourself.”  
The younger male stared at Byleth with wide eyes.

Byleth's words hit him hard.

For the first time, he realized that he hasn't been living life for himself.  
Not even for a single moment.  
All this time he felt guilty for things his parents did and measured his personal value by the praise and acceptance of people that didn't pay attention to him or could care less about him.

This whole time he has been living his own life for all those people.

“From what I've seen, Ignatz,” the hand that was on top of his head was placed on his shoulder, “you have turned into a reliable and mature man. As your former professor and friend... _I am proud of you._”  
This time the former student couldn't stop the tears. They madly started running down his cheeks as he started to sob.  
Throwing himself at Byleth, he gripped the back of the black coat that he wore and buried his face in his shoulder.

Startled, the light-haired male didn't know what to do with his hands. He wasn't used to hugging and being hugged so he awkwardly patted Ignatz' back.  
“O-Once I-I-I'm confident in my artist s-skill, I'll- I'll-” he hiccuped, interrupting himself over and over again, “One day I will paint a portrait of you!”

Byleth just continued to pat his back.

_No matter what, he'll make the right choice._

~

Byleth von Riegan was woken up gently by soft kisses peppering his face. Opening his eyes slowly he saw his husband's green eyes twinkle with delight as he pressed one final kiss on the tip of his nose.

“You will never get tired of waking me up like that, will you,” Byleth huffed amused before pressed his lips on the corner of his husband's mouth, eyes trying to blink the sleepiness away.  
“Never.” His mouth pulled into a charming grin before peeking the green-haired male's lips.

  
Watching his husband slowly sit up, the silky bed sheets draped his lower body.  
Byleth shuddered as the cold air hit his naked upper body.  
Placing his husband's morning robe on his shoulder, he hugged him from behind and buried his face in his neck.

“I have a letter for you,” he mumbled into pale skin, hot breath grazing Byleth's neck which caused the other to close his eyes in bliss with another shudder.  
Byleth hummed, patted the stubbly cheek of his spouse as he felt Claude press a letter into his other hand.  
Turning his head, he placed a kiss on the other cheek mumbling a still sleepy thanks before directing his attention to the letter.

It was sealed with a pretty bordeaux wax signet and the back of the letter was addressed to Byleth von Riegan. It still made Byleth flush slightly, hearing his new last name.  
Claude seemed to share the sentiment. The moment green eyes scanned the page, he felt the brunet tighten his hug around him before finally letting go.  
“I'll be right back, you go ahead and read your little love letter,” Claude winked and blew him a kiss before leaving him alone.

Byleth huffed amused. As if he'd get any love letters, especially after getting married!

Opening the letter, minty-green eyes immediately started to scan the page.  
Neatly as always, Ignatz had written in deep blue ink, telling stories of his travels, places he visited, people that he met.  
His eyes soaked in every single word and a smile tugged on his lips.

“Ah, I see that it's another letter of your son,” Claude announced his presence as he entered their bedroom.  
“My... son?” Byleth looked at him confused. Eyes squinting, he looked down at his lap as he crossed his arms and thought about who the brunet could be talking about.  
“Claude, I don't have a son,” he finally said and gave the latter a confused look.

Claude threw his head back and let out a hearty laugh.  
Of course, Byleth wouldn't get it.

  
“I mean Ignatz!” The bewildered stare of his husband didn't change and Claude couldn't help but shake his head.  
“Oh c'mon, you used to always baby him the most out of everyone,” he added, lips turning into a teasing grin as he sat done beside him on the bed and giving Byleth a wink, “besides me of course.”  
The other felt his cheeks flush brightly. Before he could deny any of the nonsense Claude was talking about, the brunet continued:  
“You were always looking out for him, making sure he was okay, brought extra snacks for him and listened to him rant about art.”  
Instead of denying him babying a former student right away, the minty haired man sat there on their shared bed for a good few seconds before coming to the realization that-  
  


“I did baby him a lot, didn't I?”

  
Claude started chuckling while Byleth didn't know what to make of this information.  
Byleth had never tried to play favorites with anyone.  
Well, there had been the obvious case with Claude and him not getting along with Leonie at all but he truly had tried to treat them all fair and equally!

He felt his husband press a kiss on his cheek and felt the vibrations of his laughter against his skin.  
“Stop making fun of me,” the archbishop grumbled and tried to turn his face away but Claude held him gently in place with his left hand placed on his jaw.  
“I'm not making fun of you,” he said, last bit of his chuckle finally dying against Byleth's cheek.

Suddenly, Claude sprang onto his feet and left the room anew with a quick “Be right back”.  
True to his words, he reemerged with a huge package draped in cloth before Byleth could even question his abrupt disappearance.  
“This came with the letter,” he exclaimed as Byleth gave him a blank stare with slightly knitted eyebrows.  
Pressing the package into the other's hands, Claude urged him to unfold it.  
Undoing the cloth, it slowly unveiled what was hidden behind it.

Byleth was met by the image of his own face, minty eyes staring right back at him.  
Draped in his Enlightened Robe, he stood proud on the beautifully painted canvas.

_“One day I will paint a portrait of you!”_

The archbishop felt tears prickling the back of his eyes. His chest felt light, yet it felt as though something heavy was about to burst through his ribs.  
He felt proudness swelling in his heart as he let his fingers drift across the painting, taking his the colors and strokes of brushes.  
Byleth couldn't hold back a sniffle as he pressed the canvas softly against his chest, a small proud smile adorning his face.

Claude watched him, feeling the pride and happiness radiating from his husband.  
Pressing his lips against Byleth's temple, Claude basked in the overjoyed aura that surrounded the other male.

What both failed to realize was the message at the back of the letter as it laid on the bed beside the cloth that was once covering the canvas.

There, written big was a simple message.

_“Thank you for giving me a family.”_

~

Somewhere in the distant kingdom of Almyra, a young artist was making his way through the streets, bag packed to the brim with painting utensils.  
His heart filled with bursting sparks, eyes bright with joy as he took in his surroundings and felt the warm rays of the sun tickling his skin.

  
The whole world was his canvas and one day he would return home to everyone with the most vivid paintings.

  
He would share stories and books with Marianne, trade accessories with Hilda that he collected on his journey,  
gift souvenirs to Raphael and his sister Maya, deliver Lorenz one of the prettiest paintings he's drawn and most importantly visit Claude and Byleth in-person to finally thank him personally.

_Ignatz was finally happy._

**Author's Note:**

> im a proud dad and had to pour out my feelings in a fic.  
ur welcome and thank you for coming to my ted talk.  
its physically impossible for me to not include claude bc he stole my heart mwuah beautiful husband
> 
> sorry for any mistakes i am baby and love to write at night when my braincells dont work. its 5 AM and I've been writing this for 5 hrs asjdf
> 
> yell at me over on [tumblr](https://feeniecchi.tumblr.com) or [twitter](https://twitter.com/Feeniecchi)!!


End file.
